Relationship, this f**k up shit

It actually took me sometime to start off with this post as I need some courage to write out the truth about my relationship. From the title itself, you should know that this would be a negative post.

"Yes, I am 28 this year, and I am still single." To be honest, it is not easy to say this sentence you see. Especially when my friends around me are all married at this age (when I say all, means all my closest best friends around my age or slightly younger than me). At this age, all I see on my Facebook timeline is about who is getting marry. Some are having baby or babies etc. People around me starts mumbling about me being so picky in relationship, why am I not having bf at such age, if I don't get marry at this age I will not get marry in the future etc (stop cursing me for being a lou ku po (singled old lady) in the future ok wtf!). Come on, there is no genie around me that I could just make a wish and say 'Dear Genie, please send me a lovely bf' and then the bf just gonna drop from somewhere wtf. So anyway, the stress starts from here.

I come from a 'not so traditional kinda traditional family'. I know what are you thinking. What is 'not so traditional kinda traditional family'? Which means I can just simply hangout or travel any time any where, there is no curfew at night or limitation on who I should hang out with. I have a very open minded family that allow me to do whatever I want as long as it doesn't involve crime wtf. But when it comes to these age, this 'not so traditional kinda traditional family' will start to show the traditional side by worrying over me not having a relationship, for not choosing the right one, for not trying harder to go for a better one. Match making started to involved, and if they think the guy is a possible candidate, they will start to have a very high expectation on you for dating that guy. If you take it easy, they will say you are not putting effort, if you try a little more, they will comment that don't push so hard or else you will scare the guys away. And then the stress level is added up from here. 

I used to thought that I am terrible in a relationship after my four years fuck up relationship that I once thought it would be like a Disney Princess with a Happily Ever After ending. (Mr R if you are reading this, I guess I have to agree with you for Disney Cartoons are creating fantasy for children *tears* *chuckle*). I was very controlling and demanding back then. Then I thought is me that make things goes wrong during my previous relationship, so I change myself for being a nice, gentle, sweet and understanding girl when I was in another relationship. But guess what? I met and dated the weirdest guy on earth that I will never ever want to see him again. People says that you learned the mistake from your relationship and grow up a little, so don't complaint about having a bad relationship cause it helps you to grow. SHUT UP!! this relationship is the relationship I regretted and hated the most (no further description shall be analyse from here, thank you). So I just start to live my life like a lifeless girl with very normal routine -- wake up, go to work, come back, sleep, or being a nerdy with the best companion -- Youtube all day and night. I hardly hang out and only stayed in my room until the point that my parents have to constantly open my room door to check if I am still alive wtf. And then the stress level is topped up when people started to say you are not socializing with anyone, you are being so lansi for not meeting up with friends, you are not trying harder for making friends and etc.

So I start to follow the flow and arrangement by making friends as they wish. I am actually more than willing to make friend thou but some how when you thought there is some sparks going on in the friendship, it will just gone suddenly. There is one thing I realize about guys nowadays. If they have interest in you, they will keep contacting you and grab your attention, if you don't give a shit, they will try harder on approaching you. When you give respond or show some interest on them, they will start to feel hesitate and slowly pulling off. and then that makes you think that oh maybe you are not trying harder to show your feeling towards him. The moment you confess, you are gone! they will just decided to disappear without giving any reason. Like seriously? why does guys nowadays so fuck up? (I do not mean all the guys but most of the guys I met) or might be just me who had a fuck up relationship? Who cares la haiya, guys nowadays are just so afraid of commitment. As if like if they commit they will be in the hell (I know a lot guys will agree with this, right?). I have met guys like that and I thought, hmm, is it my problem again? so I started to look for articles and books about how to be a good girlfriend, what kinda girls attracts guys etc. FML I feel so embarrass when I bought these books as if like I am so desperate to be in a relationship etc (for god sake I just wanna know what's wrong with me for keep meeting shitty guys okay!)

Other than reading books, I was also stress out by the pressure around me. So I started to go for fortune teller and tarot cards reader. All the result I get was almost the same as they 'predicted' that I would meet that someone by this year and then I would get married next year. F**K U! where is that someone who I was suppose to meet this year? it is freaking end of the year already, I mean, Almost end of the year. Man leh? wtf... -.-"

I have a lot of nice friends around me who always tell me that I would meet someone better in the future. but seriously, it doesn't makes me feel any better by saying that cause all I met is only weird guys *roll eyes*. I am totally fine with myself now, finally get to work in a big company and enjoy my life. There is something that I love being single is that I can do whatever I want without reporting to anyone. I hate controlling ego man that's why. I have a bunch of lovely friends that I can hang out any time. To be honest, I am grateful to have my jimuis around who always support me all the time, and all the terrible relationship that teaches me to grow (not the one that I hated the most thou). So why crying over having sucky relationship all the time? I am happy now and I am so ready to be single for the rest of my life (or getting marry immediately if that is possible wtf)

till then.